ENOUGH already people! How many times do I have to repeat myself? NO you do NOT get a free ad because no one called on the junk you're selling. NO I do not know why, and NO I didn't missspell FORD either. How stupid do think I am? Pay up if you want it to run again and have a lovely day.

A common misconception about errors in ads (wrong price, brand, day of your yard sale, et al) is that it's always the fault of the ad taking twit behind the counter and YOU, are always right. Right?

BZZZZZaaaaaakkkk

Some of you freaky people putting in ads are even MORE stupid than the lifeless twit behind the register. How so? Well lets see........you call up on your cell phone to place an ad. While driving. While eating chicken McNuggets or some other shit. Then you get all annoyed why I have to have you S L O W D O W N your words or have you repeat them all back to me. You didn't think things through did you when placing your ad with a mouth full of Colon Blow chicken?

In such case I may decide to spell FORD incorrectly, just to piss off that baboon. In other cases, it's just simply impossible to understand peoples speech impediments and chicken scratch penmanship. This is where the errors begin, and eventually get printed that way. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's not when one sees just how enraged someone can get over a $7 ad selling a washer and dryer.

Listen up chump, next time you tell me to go to hell because I got your ad wrong, keep in mind that the hanbasket seats two you prick.

Quoth the raven.......

Assume for a moment that this happened: A customer, and a long advertiser with the paper informs us of a peculiar message they received today from a customer that I had the grace of dealing with not so long ago. Nope it ain't the GypsyKing. I'll kick his ass next time he tries that religious "stump the chump" shit again. Next, think about having THIS message put across your desk (not mine, THEIRS):

"Joseph is in heaven. With his family I'm here to get they others
Tell Len Joseph is gone end of contract"

I thought this was pretty fucking funny until later today. Read my prior posts about the "cleaning guy than enunciates his words". Joseph is the one that placed the message, EXCEPT he's not dead in Heaven. And wants out of a cleaning contract, and this is his method of doing such. This is one crazy dude, and "here to get they others?" Got Columbine anyone? Yeah I saw today about the Harris & Klebold released tapes on TV, and seeing this shit from customers today didn't help.

What happened? Well it's like this: Joseph is the cleaning guy I first thought was actually a theatrical student at a locall comm. college. I believed it having seen real drama students try to act out their shit in public many times already. He cleaned houses on the side. He hooked up with a local samaritan (Len in this case) who happens to own a carpet sales company. LONG time advertiser with the paper. Nice guy, wanted to help out a local loony drunk fucker up or down on his luck. You pick. Anyway, the guys wife is a DA and did some checking on his shit. Well, the guys got quite a history of mental problems. Some violent. And CarpetGuy told this guy to take a hike the other day, according to the story I heard.

That brings us up to right now. Our chipper sales team heads out to pick up new ad copy from our gratuitous local businessman only to find them in mental shreds having found the above note scrawled out on a piece of paper and put on his desk.

If "I'm here to get they others" doesn't sound like a death threat from some religious crazy son of a bitch I dunno. The lucky saleswoman that got to deal with this new drama today was emotionally lost. Fear of physical harm is not something I like to see in people when they're out trying to make a buck. Bunjee jumping maybe, but not this. I said call the cops and have this crazy bastard watched. CarpetGuy already did. I'll watch his ass myself. Or smash it if need be. He lives too close to my home for me to ignore as a random idiot among all the loonies that come into the paper everyday.

Now I've got 2 more assholes to keep an eye on. Geezus people.

Stay tuned.

I think I started a holy war with GypsyKing. The ruler of the GypsyChicks I done pissed off today. I called his ass on their bullshit scheme and now I await his voodoo bullshit curse.

Stay tuned.

I'd type more than I want to you lil pissant, but it's late and I have better shit to do other than being accused of being a "non Christian" because your fucking phony truck ad didn't sell it this week, and the "fat lady" as you say, that usually takes your ads always brings you good luck on ads you never placed. And you dare tell me that because I told you to leave out religion as the lucky part of your ad that failed to sell your shitty truck I'm somehow going to hell? Come rub the Bhudda you apparent Son of God. The next time you bring religion into a $7 ad as an "acting representative of God" I will fuck you up. My ass you're a Man of the Word. You're as much a Christian as I am a Communist, and communism is a way of thinking, like your ass, not a religion. But, the difference is I don't make an issue if you, or me, were really Bhuddist or anything else. You've got a Ford to sell afterall.

I hold no grudges to those that practice their faith. Those that do practice are a hell of a lot more mellow than your Gypsytraveller, hide-behind-the-man attitude types. And NOW they go about putting in a classified ad, Jesus not becoming of them. But YOU? Trying to bring Jesus into your shit I busted your ass on.... You . God help you asshole. Pray for lightning. I'm not done with you yet dipshit. Next time you bring Jesus into placing a classified ad, I'll bring out a voodoo doll and poke you in the ass with it. Oy.

I'm not done with you yet. You pissed me off. You lied in my face and said I'm not a believer of God. What the HELL was that all about? It's only a $7 classified ad you moron. You put in a lot of effort to swindle the newspaper out of a few dollars you nutcase. Yay for you. Fuck you and the Gypsy bullshit train you rode in on. Next ad will cost you $50. Try me.

People should not phone in ads when they're stoned. For obvious reasons. Don't make me have to repeat shit back to you if you can't remember what you started the sentence with. And stop asking your girlfriend in the background for help. I can hear her just fine and she's just as much a pothead. And it's only noon. Hmmm did someone smoke their breakfast today?

Ummm like um dude? The funny part was you waxing poetic on how putting the "new brakes" before the "runs good" in the ad for your '65 mustang (of which there must be hundreds of such in this 'burb I call home) is somehow going to set your ad on fire for potential buyers who will simply fail at resisting the temptation purchasing your rusted automobile. I get paid for this. You just want $$ to buy another dime-bag. Or 10.

Here's a tip: unless you're selling some seriously cool shit like a Delorean or a Pantera, don't waste your waking moments on that morning(?) toke cupcake, by having me rearrange your ad like a fucking jigsaw puzzle. Oh yeah, by the way, you forgot to put in your phone number and the price for that piece of shit. I ran your ad anyway. Don't forget to pay the bill when it comes in the mail, junkie.

Oddly I can't blame people for typos and punctuation, that's my department to fix. However syntax? I cannot stress enough that people THINK before placing your ads. Because of liability and refund issues, I will type in your ad for "ThighBusters OBO, good now for you $50" EXACTLY as you wrote it. I'll spellcheck it but that's as far as it goes.

I encourage everyone to spend some time rethinking laughing about errors in classified ads, and the corporate idiots that type them in. Most of the time they're not typos, that's actually how the customers wanted them to read in print, so's we type them in like that. And we know you're stupid. It's your money, you get what you pay for.

'Nuff said.

Short note today. Referring to the DNCL, or the Do Not Call List.....think you're safe? Hardly. Suuuuurrrrrrre we can't call your ass up if you're on it.

BUT.

We still can call you up to INVITE you to call us back cuz' we saw your classified ad in a competitors newspaper. Ahhhhhh what fun! Newsies stealing customers from each other via telemarketing. Don't fall for the hype people, we get paid to help you with your personal advertisments for Puppies for Sale, obscure car parts, adoption, and whatever bullshit you'd like to place today....Can I interest you into one of our other great priced packages?

A cute lil $7 ad wrapped up nicely in not just one, but 6 other newspapers now. And companies pay for studies on this crap why consumers have less disposable income. Here's a thought: they made a decision that they got suckered into. Pissed away $50 for a TV they're selling for $75. That's $25 that they get and $50 that the newspapers get when it's all said and done. And now their cable bill is due.

There's plenty of bias at newspapers. It's not hard to see it when you work for one. The "beliefs" of the company are usually bullshit from the publisher and the governing boards. Family papers? Yeah. Family newspaper politics are a worse hell to deal with than with competitors. Just got hired as some savvy ad exec with hopes of being publisher one day?? Enjoy! You'll never see the higher rungs unless you marry or get fucked by one of the fam. I suggest you kill that dream.

I'm going to create a term here: LOCKAD. LOCKAD. one more time so it's burned into your head: LOCKAD. Lock Ad is for the outside sales people, not just at family corporate run newsies but any company that has sales persons numbering in the hundreds, or thousands.

you are LOCKed into ADvertising. You're entire life revolves around selling peoplse souls for a price, looking good and that commish you get on each sale. You are fucking lost into dat money stream chief. You have studied every possible sales angle, taken all the sales courses over your career, and you still can't figure out why your customer isn't running full color ads this week even though they run a U-cut Christmas tree farm. Pay attention to the people assholes, not the money.

Reread that last sentence you prick (or bitch). Here is your answer: YOU'VE LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY in the name of getting paid. And getting paid heavily while under the thumb of someone else. No problems here with getting paid heavily but when you can't discern the difference from someone selling a $75 TV and someone with a $300,000 motorhome that fucking flies like something out of a Back To The Future episode, you're a drone. Yay for you.

I won't even start with the used car dealerships and our salespeople that have to deal with them. They've all turned for the worse. Hell I'm worried LESS nowadays about small shafty ignorant Elvis look-a-likes running a rock lot than I am some sales person at a high volume dealership with enought knowledge to fuck up your credit for years. Our sales people at the newspapers are assholes enough, and then they get to deal with your fucking marketing departments. Everybodys leeching off of everyone in some context or another.

I miss my graphics job. I really do. It paid shit but I had power the sales people never knew. Well, some of them. The rest I hit over the head with a fucking brick reminding them what can happen to your pricey high commish ad when you piss the artists off. Watch your advertising very closely people.

.Done.

When calling to place your ad lets keep some things very simple. First off no one wants to deal with customer service personnel eating lunch on the phone. YOU the customer SHOULD also refrain from such shitty behavior. Not ONLY should YOU refrain from such, TRY NOT to place your ad, on your cell phone, eating a fucking Whopper™......AND driving. Yes idiot, "Can You Hear Me Now" means jack shit to me other than I can hear E V E R Y T H I N G going on in your car during your commute. I can hear the fucking radio in the background with amazing clarity. Get a noise suppressor for your phone dumbshit. Then kindly pull off to the side of the HOV lane and place your ad. And don't bitch that I can't hear you now.

The National Do Not Call List? Yeah.......there's a few loopholes in the system people. Today's loophole is this: I can call your ass if I don't ACTUALLY try to sell you ad space. I can call you to INVITE you to our lovely 800# if your interested in advertising your 72 VW bus rusted out in the yard. The very small print says that when you create an account, you agree to let us call your ass once every 30 days, 90 days, or 18 months depending on the situation. Note to readers: if you call in an ad, tell the ad taker EVERY time NOT EVER to call you back.

Gypsy King came in today. He (they?) hasen't shaved in 2 weeks and smells like fish. I'm not going to ask. However homeboy you don't get a 30 word ad for 5 dollars. Not on your life moron. Pay up princess, click them ruby heels. You'll not find a rainbow and gold here you leech. Why? you placed the same fucking ad last week and asked THIS WEEK why it wasn't in the paper. Why? Wellllllll you tell us dipshit.....because you didn't pay for it LAST week maybe? And you wanted me "as a friend" to just let it go? Go to hell asshole. And your $11.25 ad you put in you gave me $11.18. I should kill you for the hundreds you have in your pocket that you "think" we don't know about. But I'm better than that.

Pay up dickhead or your ad isn't going in. FULL price. Your choice. I hope you send money to the family in Eastern Europe. but I'm thinking that's not an active practice since you came to 'merica. Leech.

I'm still working on the horse people issue. It'll likely be my last rant now that it's been made aware that I'm not too happy in my new found position.

That is all.

I fucking KNEW it!!!......It was YOU, you crazy broad. You're the one with the quilting supplies for sale last week. And NOW we get to meet face to face. You've got a motorhome for sale. You put in an ad containing a whopping 9 words for something you're selling for $75,000. You're dumb as a stump. Whats with aging women that have collective Bingo Hall IQs around 100 with large shiny RVs on the road while they knit? And people bitch about Hummers and SUVs and anything related to combustion engines and global warming. I get it.....You old farts truely don't care. I can understand that, but since I'm still only the ripe age of ___ I still have to deal with your shit.

9 words. $75,000. And you bitch about the Nth $ ad fee.

I might as well bill you for the $1000 agency fee I'm going to leech out of you on your way to that small island in the South Pacific.

I was nice. But......what's with women that DRAW in their eyebrows.....EVER? Did you get the lead with some theatrical production this week? Lady you came in with eyebrows that might have been cut off with an Xacto knife. And you repainted them ORANGE. Had I been at a club with people 1/2 your age I could have dealt with the off-color thing, but with salt-N-pepper hair? And in your 60s? Please STOP. Grow the shit back in or stop paying people to take colored markers to your head.

Enough of eyebrows. What got me lady was that you are fucking CLUELESS. Pricey piece of property and you ask me "Does my ad look ok?" Define "OK" lady. You bought the motorhome (or your son/hubby/concubine/people-with-money that paid you to stay the hell away). I have no idea. Nor do I have any more idea about quilting supplies. I don't have a motorhome. I go camping in a tent, not a tank princess.

I spent 30 more minutes with this woman how to redefine print advertising in 10 words or less. She paid me $7... And asked me 2 more times how does her ad look.

Bitch ever seen a typewriter? That's how its going to look. Pick up the paper sometime and see for yourself. I bet she's ridden 50,000 miles in that RV and never so much as looked out a window. Johnnys sweater 's gotta be knitted by winter ya know. So much for seeing America.

Aside from that, If OrangeQueen and the Gypsy Chicks show up at the same time one day, life on Earth will cease......

Oh just some random late night thoughts. I didn't make in the office at all today, (considering what I said yesterday about being rarely late for anything). But I had a valid reason, with receipts and injuries to prove it. This is going to look great on the now-on-the-horizon exit interview: "He didn't show the usual determination and continued support of the company prior to his leaving the corporation."

Fuck all that. The starter in my car nearly caught fire this morning. Hard to find a local chop shop to do repairs on half an hours notice. I saw the problem coming but figured I could eke it out until the weekend. Nope. Today's the day homey. YOU get to fix it. Good thing it wasn't a boat. Sooooooo following in the footsteps of PROGRESSIVE™ insurance commercials that focus on the intelligent consumer, I spent 4 fun-filled hours locating a part, checking prices, sourcing repair shops, yadda yadda. That was a total waste of time. I could have at least had half a day of cold calling in if I'd just have went to the first shop I called (where I found the pissant little part in the end). But NO. I do the InformedConsumer thing and missed an entire day of being paid doing something that took me just a single hour to fix myself. And it fucking rained. And I have a driveway, not a garage. And it snowed uphill bothways.

BigGuy wasn't too happy. He suggested I take the bus or have another salesperson come by the house for an office key. This is the fun shit I get to 'splain tomorrow. And will probably rain then too.

The random thoughts I had before I got off track were:

1) I'm still working on the HorsePeople thing. If people think Cat Fancy Magazine subscribers are a bit off, just wait until people start talking Geldings, Paints, and stud fees. It's insane. But I still have to input their ads, even though I have no damn idea what they're talking about.

2) Newspapers are obsessed with death. I don't know where it started years ago but it's still used today. A few industry terms: When ad is stopped, we Kill The Ad, When accounts go to collection they become Dead Accounts. And when we archive old papers? They get put into the Morgue.

3) We had a delivery truck stolen several days ago, as informed to by our daily courier. What fucking morons I thought, steal a newspaper truck chock full of logos and shit. Must have been a dare for them on their way to Canada. I was wrong though, THIS one didn't have any company logos on it. I guess we should be happy.

No more for me tonite.

Unfucking believeable. Total Recall on Earth. Arnies the Gov with Jay Leno doing the opening for BigGunBoy married to a Kennedy. The Kennedy conspiracies are never going to end. Oh well. Sometimes it's nice to see an old rookie in politics. Hell, Sonny Bono did it, Jesse, and Clint did too. Don't forget Ronnie either.

Aside from that, a busy day at the paper. Usual deadlines. Didn't hear from the GypsyChicks for almost 2 weeks until today. GypsyKing, or the leader of the tribe, commune, coven, or whatever the hell they call themselves phoned in an ad. He's been in before, but today calls it in. Same shit.....wants to put in an ad, can't read or write english (I personally think they're full of shit, they just don't want handwriting experts like my self checking their shit in a court of law) nickle and dimes me over the verbage assuming he's my #1 customer today. Yay for me.

He was transferred from a "bitchy CSR" (his terminology) from our main office. I let him ramble for 10 minutes about a 20 word ad. I put him on hold 5 times for paying customers. I write it all down, full well knowing that his crowd assumes that I'm entering the ad as they speak. Sure pal I can type 75wpm, not 250, so slow the fuck down Speed Racer. I didn't know it was GypsyKing until this phrase: "must come see to appreciate". His voice sounded familiar but then he gave himself away with that phrase as they ALWAYS put it in their ads. You little son of a bitch. Now you think you can scam me on the phone? Get your ugly ass in here and pay for it. THEN I'll run the ad.

His last comment was "Go ahead and put it in and I'll be in by 5 and umm....give ya some money for it" You must think I'm a fucking fool sir. You had no intention of paying for your ad, assuming I'd just insert it for you pro bono, and we'd bill you later to a phony address which is already on our blacklist. Your ilk TRIES to hide behind some kind of invisible shield and we know it. And we know where you really live too. You think you're hiding from society yet you have no fucking idea how much of a circus you make for yourselves. Get a fucking drivers license and a social security card already you goddam leech.

To be fair, they're a social, unintrusive, happy bunch really. Save for the colossial scam that they've got going. They're not as invisible as they think.

Today I was given the results of our monthly energy savings contest. These results depict how much each satellite office conserved on energy usage for the prior month, by percentage opposed to each office, and all the way down to each offices kilowattage useage. We hit in the middle. We'd score higher but that monster Coke™ machine in the hallway I'm sure as hell eats up a lot of juice.

What do we win for saving the most electricity? The winning office gets a free office pizza party each QUARTER. Quarter being 3 fiscal months. HUZZZAH MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!! Free pizza! What's that? it's our committment to YOU and your continued efforts to help the company grow? High management really does live on a fucking cloud somewhere, always assuming us trolls are ready to pimp out your ass at $10 an hour.

Pizza Hut can be here in 30 minutes. You take 3 months and need supply requests for same. Thanks I'll bring my own lunch.

I was late today. An hour late. I'm never late. I can count on one hand the times I've been that late for any job in the last five years. That would be 3. I'm such a good little office bitch. A lil late? 2 Minutes late? Depends on the traffic but you can bet your ass I'm on the way. I woke up late. Simple as that, and I typically don't need an alarm to get up, I'm awake already, just stewing on how to approach my day. Today was a different story......one of those times when you wake up, check the clock, BLINK and fucking 3 hours goes by and now you're late. I wish TheSleep would kiss me before it fucked me like that.

E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y was in the office for my half awake ass to stroll on in. Managers, BigGuy, everbody. But I won on that assumtion that they would be this time. Turned out O K A Y, I guess. The cogs that we be still turned through the day. I'm an honest person, typically. I had a legitimate reason. I fucking overslept. No biggie, it's very rare, and I caught up with the rest of the office circus within the hour. I'm good like that. But I felt like a colossial fool telling BigGuy that. My car should have been on fire with me walking in with hanging shreds of peeling flesh, as in, if you're going to be late, have a good reason. I did. It just wasn't colossial sounding.

I have a new respect for people whose automobiles are actually on fire on their way to work.

I think I'm done. However there's boiling thoughts coming about what I think about the HorsePeople™

For those that have wondered, the seagull problem has been taken care of...

Earlier I posted about the screwy bastard that overenunciated his words. Well what can I say? Turns out the fucker really is NUTZ. The company he does work pro bono or whatever for is really Legit. Remember we have massive databases in which to find your ass. However, the guy himself is a bit of a perv/thief/schizo. Maybe all three. And the community college was helping fulfil his dream of growing up to be an actor at the impressionable young age of 35. Watch out Gary Coleman!

As it turns out, the guy has quite a record. THAT record the cops have, I have the billing ones. The company he's "employed" by is run by a legitimage, charitable person. Maybe too charitable. His wife is a detective. And man she found some shit. And PoorBoy™ now is having his shit checked and is back on the streets.

Remember people, when you're feeling like a mushy charitible humanitarian, when you lend a hand to people on the streets, women and children aren't the only things worth protecting with firearms. Your keys and ka$h are worth it too. Pay attention people,

Personal protective "devices" are prohibited in my company. I'll likely be challenging that policy if that freak comes back in this and starts shit. I wonder what else he can enunciate....for fun.....

For those that have wondered, the seagull problem has been taken care of...

Earlier I posted about the screwy bastard that overenunciated his words. Well what can I say? Turns out the fucker really is NUTZ. The company he does work pro bono or whatever for is really Legit. Remember we have massive databases in which to find your ass. However, the guy himself is a bit of a perv/thief/schizo. Maybe all three. And the community college was helping fulfil his dream of growing up to be an actor at the impressionable young age of 35. Watch out Gary Coleman!

As it turns out, the guy has quite a record. THAT record the cops have, I have the billing ones. The company he's "employed" by is run by a legitimage, charitable person. Maybe too charitable. His wife is a detective. And man she found some shit. And PoorBoy™ now is having his shit checked and is back on the streets.

Remember people, when you're feeling like a mushy charitible humanitarian, when you lend a hand to people on the streets, women and children aren't the only things worth protecting with firearms. Your keys and ka$h are worth it too. Pay attention people,

Personal protective "devices" are prohibited in my company. I'll likely be challenging that policy if that freak comes back in this and starts shit. I wonder what else he can enunciate....for fun.....

Amazing, a quiet delivery day. Found lots of time to glean from from the databases prospective customers for the NewEnterprise™ of mine. I'm soooo going to get paid.

Although people need to quit yanking the door half an hour after closing, when it's obviously locked, signs say WE'RE CLOSED, and you happened to glimpse me down the hall. YES I'm hiding from you asshole, I want to go home. Come back tomorrow.

I was going to say more, however my mind was swiftly erased earlier while STILL open for biz by the virtual bomb that a former co-worker dropped in my lap about somebody. And I've survived large earthquakes. This was some shit to behold. The BIOS I call my brain may not be correctly rewritten for a few days yet.

Damn salesperson mentioned such a possibility yesterday of something I already suspected but didn't want to admit to knowing.

I should have seen it coming. Happy fucking birthday big boy {s you've got issues

.....as if that wasn't enough........just tonight I have a seagull with a busted wing in my yard and neither animal control nor the local bird saviours will show up untill the morning. Had it been an eagle I'd have the local NBC affiliate with a 24Hr EagleWatch2003 from my fucking roof and donations from the local elementary schools. I made it a nest. It will likely die. It's for the better.

Welllllllllll...........'twas one of those days that's so slow you enjoy not having to think too much about anything. Nothing of genuine notation beyond a Q as to why the new saleswoman left with NotMyHusband to go to a dentist appointment during lunch hour, never to return for the rest of the day.

I'm not gonna ask.

So, since today was a bore and the company didn't lose really that much by paying my ass to keep this shed tidy, lets recap on a particular customer from yesterday...

A man came into place and ad that had, IMO a serious problem with enunciation of his words. I thought maybe this chap had finally kicked the habit of stuttering and is now just entering the world of the speaking. That was misthought #1. Then the man du jour wants to place a handyman ad for "housecleaning services". I tell him: "you need a contractors license in your ad, it's state law". He says "I don't Have the NECESSARY credentials, for WHICH I"M required to preSENT my fellow".

You're a freak. I get it. You wan't to put in an ad for your stalker ass to go vacuum for old ladies and wipe out their coffee cans of cash. Fuck you. Show Me The License! Pay up. Then I'll run your ad.

Misconception #2. I had it all wrong. Turns out the guy was a sort-of handyman, doing housecleaning FOR FUN for a legitimate cleaning service. The heavy enunciation of your words wasn't that you learned from baboons to speak, it's that it was part of your community college Theater course to spend a week "in public" talking like a freak. And you said you were 35? What fork in the road of life brought you here today? Maybe it was a knife in life and you became a splinter cell. I dunno. At least I didn't notice you were armed.

So it brings me up to today. Really nothing happened, other than sitting on my ass answering phones and using cash registers again after I swore 15 years ago at AM/PM I'd never touch one again. I guess whether the machines are made by Apple, HP, or NCR I'm always going to be pushing buttons.

Although..........I busted a 'John' today. We'll mentally anyway. 'John' meaning the type you see on COPS™. Here's the story. As I glaze out into the street taking in the sun from my window-clad domain, and graze upon my 5-pc chicken plug-it-ups from Burger King, I've notices that we've got a prostitute walking by twice a day. Twice a day now for the last 4 months. Just one. Fugly broad with a tan that dresses like a 12 year old in flip flops. So I decided I'd let this atrocity sell her wares as an attempt to make the great TV of life interesting, rather than let the Five-O in on what's going on as they drive by what must be 100 times a day. Cops can be dense too. Soooooo worried about seat belt laws that you don't see this fuck pole slithering up and down the street. And it's not like she's hiding anything. She's a whore. It's that obvious.

So as I closed out my productive sales day I took a different route home. Some city cop was toying with traffic-you know, drive 5mph over, then 5mph under then the speed limit, even tho no one's in front of him for a quarter-mile. Good thing I can set my cruise control at 29. Go ahead mr Occifer, toy with me. That got boring in 5 minutes, so's I take a left at the light. Left, down the street, right, behind the community college and STOP.
STOP MY ASS HERE. Some bozo in a white Chevy _______ license plate # ______ _____. Stops on the hill and the passenger door opens. ONE guess who CLIMBS out of the car......The same hooker I saw 20 minutes previous 2 miles away. She gets out, lights the obligatory Marlboro, and he drives off like a bat out of hell in a school zone (there's a high school next to the college...it's also a Drug Free Zone but apparently not today). I'm lauging my head off, thinking "John, if you only knew because now I DO. and I remember your license plate, and you headed down the road to the local marina...."

I really should quit this biz and become a private investigator. Debauchery has no boundaries.

Tomorrow's delivery day. We'll see what shit pops up then. Stay tuned.